So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
