I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Dear god my vagina.
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