im about as happy as oj after his trial
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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