While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
