Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
