its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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