I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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