he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
