I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
