I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
