I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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