I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
