Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
