guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
