I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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