I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
