you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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