ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
