Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
