You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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