This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
