Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
