Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Even my vagina gasped.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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