after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
