the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
