My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
