1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
