He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
