I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
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