the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
