Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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