addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
