His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
