dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
