I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Someone came in the potted fern
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
