Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You dont lie about slip and slides
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
