K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
