talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
