forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
