i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
