I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
