i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
