Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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