Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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