Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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