k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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