new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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