You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
