when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
