there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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