I'm really into asian looking animals
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Randomize
